The Writer's Miranda Rights

These Miranda Rights are for all family, friends and acquaintances of a Writer. Read them carefully. Know your Rights.

-- You have the right to remain silent (but we Writers won't be friends with you anymore, or ... we'll just make stuff up about you anyway). 

-- Anything (and I mean ANYTHING) you say, can and will be written about you in a book of ours (and even things you didn't say). 

--You have the right to opt out of being written about (but we'll need that in writing and a hefty cash payment). 

-- If you cannot afford to pay us off, I mean, opt out, well that's too bad (although we may be able to come to some other agreement. Cow poo and leotards may be involved). 

Further: 

-- Writer's Miranda Rights do not go into effect until after a friendship is formed.  Anything you say or do before that is fair game. 

-- If the suspect, ha! I mean, the subject is placed under friendship of any kind, including Virtual Facebook Friendship, and is not read their Writer's Miranda Rights or given a gold-embossed card printed with their very own Writer's Miranda Rights, spontaneous or voluntary statements or actions may still be used in the Writer's story and who, if called out, will proclaim Writer's Amnesia and will not be held accountable. 

--The Writer is free to ask questions before a friendship is made but must inform the perp (sorry), "subject" that the questioning is voluntary (psh!) and that he or she is free to leave at any time (whereby said Writer will just follow them around and write stuff about them anyway). 

--The Writer must carry these written Rights on their person at all times as business cards, handing them out immediately if they notice any interesting or amusing behaviors by their fellow humans. Not complying with this rule will be swiftly and surely punished by .... no one! Ha ha ha ha haaaa!  😂

You have been warned. To be friends with a Writer can be dangerous. Safety first!