Shoulda Checked His Teeth

 You know, all these 16 years of being married to The Man, I have shown such forbearance and patience, I can't even tell you. I have put up with so much, accepted his peculiar weaknesses and forgiven a multitude of sins. Some days I wonder how in the world I could have married a man who had these particular shortcomings. 

 But yesterday I was sore challenged. 

First though, I will show you JUST how patient I have been. 

I gasped when he asked, "Who is Ella Fitzgerald?"

I was stunned when he said he had never heard the Journey songs "Lights" or "Don't Stop Believing".

I was struck dumb when he didn't recognize the Michael Jackson song "Thriller".

He doesn't know ALL the songs from "The Sound of Music" by heart!!!!!!!! 😲

He couldn't sing along with the Oompa Loompa Doopity Do song or "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" or even the song "Oklahoma"! 

And, and he asked me if Louis Armstrong was a boxer!!!!! 😫

Do you see what I've had to put up with?? 

But yesterday. Yesterday!! I read my Dozer Envy story to him, chuckling all the way through it at my own cleverness at how I worked Elvis songs into the story. At one point I noticed that he wasn't chuckling along with me, or at all really. I wondered, "What the heck?" 

I asked, "You don't think that's funny and oh so clever?"

He asked, "Whut?" 

I said, "Cleverly working Elvis songs into the story."

He asked, "What Elvis songs?"

I gaped. "Um, "I'm ALL shook up", "Don't be Cruel", "Ain't Nothing But a Dozer (Houndog)", "Heartbreak hotel"???  You missed all of those? You weren't listening at all were you?"

*Blank stare from Butch*

I again with the gaping mouth asked, "You DO know those songs, right? Don't even tell me you don't know Elvis songs. I'm not sure our relationship can take that. It's too much!"

Butch answered, "No I don't know those songs. *I* wasn't goofing off playing around when I was young. I had to work!"

I said, "Butch! THEY WERE ON THE RADIO, MAN! They were everywhere! How do you grow up in America and not know Elvis songs??!!"

And then. Then he said something that I'm not sure I'll ever forgive him for, "Who cares about Elvis?" 😲

Oooookay, that's IT. I'm calling my lawyer. Cruel and unusual punishment! Irreconcilable differences! From two completely different planets! 

But then he gave me that sexy Elvis grin of his that always gets me and I thought,  "Oh, what the heck. So he's musically challenged. I guess I can live with that.  At least he can sing the 'Happy Birthday' song."

 Except he doesn't know when my birthday is. 

Or our anniversary for that matter. Or Mother's Day. Or  .... 

And seriously?  "Who cares about Elvis?"???

 Man, I shoulda checked his teeth.  🤨