Be Still My Beating Heart

 Butch walked in the door from work the other day and instead of saying, "Hey baby, how was your day?" Or something of that ilk, he spouted, "What the heck is an 'oily stool'?" (Pronounced "O-lee stewl")

 

I smiled, closed my eyes and put my hand on my heart, "You say the SWEETEST things. You're sweeping me off my feet. Be still my beating heart. I may faint from..."

He rudely interrupted my beautiful soliloquy, "Okay, okay, okay. But what does it meeeeean?" 

"Gross. I don't know... Why are you asking me that?"

"Because I hear it everyday on a drug commercial on my way home from work and I decided I needed to know what that means. What is it?"

"And you thought your wife would know this, how?"

"You're smart. You know about all those bodily function things." ("Bawdilee funk-shun thangs")

"You flatterer you." 

"Sigh! Do you know or not?"

"Well, not really. I mean it's, well... it's like when. .. you see there's a... your poo gets... okay, I don't know."

Butch rolls his eyes and says, "Look it up on Google." ("Gewgul")

I barked out a laugh, "OMG. Do you know what will come up if I Google 'Oily stool'? The pictures I'll get? No thanks. You'll just have to bear not knowing. Sorry. Call your mother. I've heard you two gleefully discussing worms, boils and cankers. Maybe she'll know and y'all can have another delightful discussion while I don't listen."

Butch hmphed and said, "Well great, thanks for the no help. So, then answer this, what is a 'foul discharge'?" 

OMG

"Butch, stop it my love! I can't take any more sweet talk!  I'm overcome with emotion. I think I'm gonna faint. Take me in your arms!!" I head towards him with my arms open and my lips puckered, "Muah, muah, muah!"

Butch scurries away grumbling, "Sunny beaches, ask a simple question..."

Ha ha I knew that would work.  ;)