The Initiation

I played a trick on my little sister a few years ago that still makes me laugh out loud. I crack myself up.

We had just moved to our Montana mountaintop home the year before and my younger sister Lauri came for a visit. First, let me paint a picture for you of my sister. She is nothing like me. She's a real city girl. She likes expensive clothes, nice cars and take out food. She's a successful, professional, business woman, who works for a big pharmaceutical company. She looks like a Barbie doll - blonde, about 5'6", a size two and boobs big enough that always make me wonder how she doesn't just topple right over. She may have been 49 at the time but she looked 30. And even if she's not my favorite sister (oh please, don't even pretend you don't have favorites), she's really funny. 

Now my sister may have been a city girl but she was a real trooper. She handled all of the inconveniences of our off grid life very well. But still... she was such a fish out of water here. When we took walks, she insisted on carrying my big shotgun and spent the entire walk looking behind us for the bear or mountain lion that she KNEW was coming to eat us. And she wouldn't go anywhere by herself. She thought our mountaintop place was beautiful but it was really scary to her. She couldn't believe that I wasn't afraid to live here.

While Lauri was visiting, our bestest mountain neighbors Tim and Sue invited us all down to their little cabin in the woods for a get together, which we gladly accepted. 

As we drove down the mountain, on the curvy road in the trees, husband Butch driving, Lauri in the front seat as the Guest of Honor gabbing away, me in the backseat being ignored and all, I decided to play a trick on her making her think she was about to have to do something horrible. I was hoping Butch would just go along with it. 

Lauri had never met Tim and Sue and had not been to any of our mountain friend's homes. I said, out of the blue as we headed down there, "Lauri, ok I need to tell you something. The first time you go to a mountain person's house, there is a type of um, initiation and there are things you have to do. It's just part of mountain life. Just do it ok? It's expected. It wont hurt... that much and..."

Lauri, who even though tiny, has a HUGE mouth on her, looks a little alarmed and then her mouth starts running, "NO. No way. Unh uh!"

I continue on, "Really, it doesn't taste that bad. It won't last long. I only gagged a little! I did it. You can too!"

Lauri's mouth is still going a mile a minute, "Nuh uh bulll dookey I'm not doing it you can't make me let me out..."

I'm trying so hard not to laugh while Butch keeps looking at me in the rearview mirror, nodding his head seriously like what I'm saying is true. I went on, "Look you need to do this ok? If you don't, it will hurt our relationship with the mountain people. It's not that bad! Really. Just hold your nose and look brave. It's not THAT horrible. These mountain people are scary. We can't show any fear here or we're done, ok?!"

Lauri has her hand on the door trying to open it as we were going down the road, "I'm getting out now I'll walk home I'm not doing it no no no no NO!"

I finally started laughing and decided I'd better tell her the truth before she jumped out the window. I told her I was just kidding, there wasn't any initiation, that I made it all up. She looked at me with squinty eyes to see if I was telling her the truth and she couldn't tell. She thought it was just a plot to get her down there. To her credit, she stayed in the car and then met Tim and Sue with obvious trepidation. She looked like she was prepared to take off running at any moment. 

When I told our friends at the dinner table what I did to Lauri on the way to their house, we all had a hearty laugh together then Tim slowly stands up, grabs a bowl off the counter and starts to walk toward her with this scary look on his face. Lauri bolted out the door and we never saw her again.

Ha ha! Just kidding. Tim got her to come back in, eventually. It was dark outside. I guess she was more afraid of the bears than she was of a possible Initiation. 🤣 Poor thing! 

So now you know - all work and no play makes me ornery, so visitors will be treated as playthings for my personal amusement. I apologize ahead of time. 

Next: The Sasquatch Head

(👇That's not the Sasquatch below. That's Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top with us. Although he kinda looks like a Sasquatch, doesn't he? ;) )