A Rich Legacy

Sooooo, I was at a mountain dinner party recently. Three of us off grid girls were talking about life in general when one of us, not me, mentioned what she did that day. 

In the middle of recounting her day, she said very matter of factly, and I quote here,  " ... and I ironed for a couple of hours while watching Tom Jones and then I ..." 

To which I rudely interrupted and said, in fine Tom Jones fashion, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. You did what? Go back. What were you doing? "Ironing to Tom Jones"?? You mean Tom Jones, the singer?" 

She looked at me, forehead all scrunched up, and said, "Is there any other?" To which I burst out laughing because, no, there is no other and then I said, "Do tell. I must hear more." because Tom Jones was indeed handsome and I get it, but he was more of our mothers' generation of heart throbs, not ours. 

She then explained that her mother had always done the daily ironing during the Tom Jones show, so, to my friend, forever thereafter, Tom Jones and ironing simply go together. She has a set of dvd's of the Tom Jones show that she puts on while she irons. 

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of passing down a rich legacy and being an exceptionally good role model. Because if you can't sing and dance with a good-looking man while you're ironing, then what's the point of ironing at all?  ;)

 "It's not unUsual to be loved by anyone, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh!" 🎵 🎶 🎼

The Struggle is Real

Ahhh ... life's little dilemmas. How to stay on a diet when one has company? 

Obviously you don't use the excuse of company to pig out while they're staying with you. One must maintain discipline and self-control. But there are meals to make that will please your visitors like Jacques Pepin's creamy Chicken Pot Pie, cheesy potatoes and Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas. And nothing goes with Steak like homemade French Fries! They are a must! You simply cannot disappoint your guests and feed them boring health food. And you can't let them eat alone either. That would be so rude. Nor can you eat a salad while they scarf down immeasurable calories. This would make them feel uncomfortable and good manners are all about making others feel comfortable, right? Can I get a witness?

And no visit would be complete without homemade bread and cinnamon rolls. These are actual basic staples that no good hostess would be without  and I'm nothing if not a good hostess. 

And one must have plentiful desserts around. These people are on their vacation! They need to be treated well and spoiled rotten! And if you don't join them in a bite or two of tart Huckleberry Pie or Double Chocolate Brownies with Coffee Ice Cream or yummy Blackberry Cobbler they will be hurt. One cannot make their guests feel like piglets. 

And once your guests leave, THEN there's the issue of leftover food! There are bananas to be eaten! Pie left over! Enchiladas still in the fridge!  One absolutely cannot let these go to waste. And some things just don't freeze well. Yes you can stick bananas in the freezer "for smoothies later" but does anyone ever really remember these hard, brown, shriveled, frozen things in the back of their freezer?? I think not! They will end up being thrown away anyway so one simply must do what one can now. The dogs don't like bananas so even though peanut butter banana sandwiches fried in butter and covered in honey isn't quite on my paleo diet, I will make the sacrifice and do the right thing by having one so as not to add to the terrible plague of food-wasting. This goes for the leftover huckleberry pie and the enchiladas as well. It's my duty.

But even with ALL my impressive self-control, I still cannot figure out why I gain weight when we have people here! It is such a mystery! 🤔

I'm Published!!!

 I'm finally published y'all! The book is available on Kindle right now. The paperback will be available in a few weeks. Whoop!! 😁

The Initiation

I played a trick on my little sister a few years ago that still makes me laugh out loud. I crack myself up.

We had just moved to our Montana mountaintop home the year before and my younger sister Lauri came for a visit. First, let me paint a picture for you of my sister. She is nothing like me. She's a real city girl. She likes expensive clothes, nice cars and take out food. She's a successful, professional, business woman, who works for a big pharmaceutical company. She looks like a Barbie doll - blonde, about 5'6", a size two and boobs big enough that always make me wonder how she doesn't just topple right over. She may have been 49 at the time but she looked 30. And even if she's not my favorite sister (oh please, don't even pretend you don't have favorites), she's really funny. 

Now my sister may have been a city girl but she was a real trooper. She handled all of the inconveniences of our off grid life very well. But still... she was such a fish out of water here. When we took walks, she insisted on carrying my big shotgun and spent the entire walk looking behind us for the bear or mountain lion that she KNEW was coming to eat us. And she wouldn't go anywhere by herself. She thought our mountaintop place was beautiful but it was really scary to her. She couldn't believe that I wasn't afraid to live here.

While Lauri was visiting, our bestest mountain neighbors Tim and Sue invited us all down to their little cabin in the woods for a get together, which we gladly accepted. 

As we drove down the mountain, on the curvy road in the trees, husband Butch driving, Lauri in the front seat as the Guest of Honor gabbing away, me in the backseat being ignored and all, I decided to play a trick on her making her think she was about to have to do something horrible. I was hoping Butch would just go along with it. 

Lauri had never met Tim and Sue and had not been to any of our mountain friend's homes. I said, out of the blue as we headed down there, "Lauri, ok I need to tell you something. The first time you go to a mountain person's house, there is a type of um, initiation and there are things you have to do. It's just part of mountain life. Just do it ok? It's expected. It wont hurt... that much and..."

Lauri, who even though tiny, has a HUGE mouth on her, looks a little alarmed and then her mouth starts running, "NO. No way. Unh uh!"

I continue on, "Really, it doesn't taste that bad. It won't last long. I only gagged a little! I did it. You can too!"

Lauri's mouth is still going a mile a minute, "Nuh uh bulll dookey I'm not doing it you can't make me let me out..."

I'm trying so hard not to laugh while Butch keeps looking at me in the rearview mirror, nodding his head seriously like what I'm saying is true. I went on, "Look you need to do this ok? If you don't, it will hurt our relationship with the mountain people. It's not that bad! Really. Just hold your nose and look brave. It's not THAT horrible. These mountain people are scary. We can't show any fear here or we're done, ok?!"

Lauri has her hand on the door trying to open it as we were going down the road, "I'm getting out now I'll walk home I'm not doing it no no no no NO!"

I finally started laughing and decided I'd better tell her the truth before she jumped out the window. I told her I was just kidding, there wasn't any initiation, that I made it all up. She looked at me with squinty eyes to see if I was telling her the truth and she couldn't tell. She thought it was just a plot to get her down there. To her credit, she stayed in the car and then met Tim and Sue with obvious trepidation. She looked like she was prepared to take off running at any moment. 

When I told our friends at the dinner table what I did to Lauri on the way to their house, we all had a hearty laugh together then Tim slowly stands up, grabs a bowl off the counter and starts to walk toward her with this scary look on his face. Lauri bolted out the door and we never saw her again.

Ha ha! Just kidding. Tim got her to come back in, eventually. It was dark outside. I guess she was more afraid of the bears than she was of a possible Initiation. 🤣 Poor thing! 

So now you know - all work and no play makes me ornery, so visitors will be treated as playthings for my personal amusement. I apologize ahead of time. 

Next: The Sasquatch Head

(👇That's not the Sasquatch below. That's Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top with us. Although he kinda looks like a Sasquatch, doesn't he? ;) )